Cliche New Years Resolutions

So anyone who knows me well enough, will know how much I despise christmas. However, I love New Years. New Years isn't just some holiday to go out and get obnoxiously drunk and then have a righteous hangover the next day, New Years is a second chance. This whole year we have been learning, taking our experiences, and our mistakes and twisting them into small bits of knowledge. New Years is a chance to take what you have learned and put it to work, I love second chances, lord knows I need alot. So on behalf of being like every other American, here is my list of resolutions for the year of 2009:)

1. To open up more to those who care about me.
2. Make better choices.
3. To get into Appalachian State University:)
4. To graduate (Seniors 09)
5. To have a better sense of self worth.
6. To hang out more with my church family.
7. To not take this life for granted anymore, and think about those who have it worst.
8. To loosen up.
9. To finally get used to the idea of growing up.
10.To live.

Un/expected Hault.

As the lepers take the throne
A silent justice barely rumbles from the ground
The mighty wrath of God is not a threat anymore
Raising Lazarus becomes yet another cliche
Humans used as specimens for the final expirement
Through all of creation it has been lurking
Patiently, and quietly waiting to pounce on its naive prey
Mankind has made its great fall
The inevitable flaw that runs through the human genome
Our lust for power has been stifled
It is no longer survival of the fittest
Now the weak are the strong
And evil becomes righteousness
ALl of humanity has come to a screeching hault
Because of one tiny molecule.
Boom.

(not)Alone in the dark

Do the stars above remind you of me?
Of all the nights we spent lying in the grass
We both wondered how long until it ended
This feeling of discovery, and enlightenment
Finding a state of mind where there were no words
Instead song filled your ears
Lyrics pouring out of your heart like a waterfall
Suddently, our skies turned grey
The rain came, and took you with it
As you washed away, my heart followed
The melodies ceased to flow
The feelings tapered off
I miss the gentle kisses
So angelic, and refreshing
Every embrace constantly kept me fulfilled
But now I am left empty in anothers arms
As the sky fades to dark
Nostalgia takes over
And our stars become lumenescent
Even in the darkest of nights

My eyes stuck on the sky

I have steadily looked to the stars
The same sky you have gazed at
I have slept in the fields
Filled with life and beauty
I have tried to forget you
The memories, how they haunt
I have been held in anothers arms
But I am not fulfilled
I have been surround by others
But I still am left alone
I have drank from the fountain of youth
But inside, I feel dead
I have kissed many lips
And tasted the forbidden fruit
I have fallen for better
But I still long for your comfot
I have gazed at our sky
And I have dreamt of our nights
I have spent my life regretting
But its not over yet

Race against life

Maybe we can more than the poster children.
Get out of this narrow-minded town,
Break away from our conformity of noncomforming
Maybe life will turn around for us,
maybe we can be on topIts time to pack your bags,
but leave them empty
Lets light up the world with passion
Lets let our hearts flow and our minds speak out
We have no need for these paper cliche masks
Anymore
We just need a chance
This isnt just a spur of the moment life
We were meant for something more
We were meant for something greather that this
LIfe itself is too predictable
You live, and then die
Lets screw up the chain
Step out of line
And not only break the mold, but create a new one
Beauty has noly gotten us this far
Or should I say near?
The future will become the past
And we will grow beyond these savage human instincts
Fear would no longer hold us back
But instead lift us up to be more than can be aspired
So take off your blinders
That shelter you from the immense possibilities and run
Run hard

And most importantly run with me.

Taking some advice

Steven King says that in order to become a good writer you must write all the time, even when you don't feel like it, write.
Lately, I haven't felt the need to say anything, a very calm, and actually orderly week. My mom is in San Fransisco on business, she goes to different places every other week. So until Thursday, I am home with my stepdad, our three dogs, and our lethargic blob, (we like to call it a cat). Usually, I hate this, mainly because me and my stepdad butt heads alot. This week however, has been different. It seems like I have more freedom, like they are starting to actually trust me. I guess thats why I haven't felt the need to write lately, because things are so tranquil. Which brought me to thinking, why is it when we are feeling hectic, down, or even depressed we write so much? When we feel such an extreme amount of emotion, it seems our pens start to take on a mind of their own. In the past couple of weeks, I have also been reaffirmed with God, and have actually started to pray a little bit more. The first couple of days it was about my friend, the next about a death. This week, I have maybe prayed once since Sunday night. Sad, I know, but we as humans seem to only see God, in ungodly situations. Or is that just me? When I am feeling alone, or hurt, I cry out to him, usually literally screaming. But now that life is just calming down, I forget he's there? I don't want to be like this, I don't think any of us do.
So today, I'm taking this to heart, and going to just thank god.
Thank you.

Yo Mama

One of the most overused insults in America today, Yo Mama.
Of course, taken lightly, this joke surrounds everyday culture, especially at the typical highschool.
Someone shoots you an sarcastic insult, and you find yourself to dumb to come up with a clever comeback, you say "Yo mama."
Now 'Yo Mama' has to be said with the correct tone, and at the appropriate time.
For instance:
Girl 1- "That shirt is ugly."
Girl 2- "LIke yo mama."
Notice how you never actually say the whole world, yo, is the word that must be used. If found actually saying the full word, you will be mocked, and the insult would have just stuck to you.
Now, noone takes anyone seriously when they say a 'yo mama' joke, which is why you can say it to just about anyone.
(Except for yo mama)
Now for my own personal anecdote invovling this interesting phrase.
Sitting in chemistry one day, after lunch, we were working in groups. Bubbly as ever, I blurted out. "I'm so hyper!" My friend James loooked at me and shook his head and smiled "Thats apparent."
Now what I said next might have been the greatest three seconds of my life.
"Your mom is apparent."
Now for you dumb, slow, and ignorant people I want you to read what I just wrote outloud.
I'll even break it down for you.
Your-mom-is-a-pparent
Ok, hopefully you got it now. Isn't that just amazing?
Quickly, the class applauded and my teacher made his own sly comment.
"Your face"
Seriously? Your face. It is quickly growing to take place of "Yo mama" Which deeply saddens me.
Substance, that is what it lacks. Substance.
Your face, anyone can see it, well unless they are blind(oops)
But if they are not in fact blind, and they can fully see the person in front of them, why in the world would you say "Your face"
Its different with 'yo mama', because most of the time you have never met the persons mother so it in no way can be taken personal.
But with 'your face', it is talking about right then.
Of course, not many people are offended by this either, but if I had to choose between the two cliche phrases.
I would stick to the classics.
Think about all of the good, and old stuff. LIke Tom Petty, My Dad, Elvis, JOhnny Cash, The old Coca-Cola bottles, and of course Jimi Hendrix.
Classics.
I am proud to say that I am siding with your mother.
What about you?

Boys are Satan

My pastor once told me that boys were satan. And that christian boys are BOLD satan. I laughed and continued on with my flirtatious ways. Now I realize its all true. That what boys really want out of you is your body, or should I say what you do with your body.
Too bad for them, they won't get it.
I am a lot of things: gullible, naive, outgoing, and a tad bit immature. But I am in no way shape or form a toy for boys to use. I have a mind, a heart, and I am a human being.
Feelings get in the way to many times, they drive us to do rash decisions. My friends ask me all the time "When are you going to find yourself a boyfriend Laura?"
I laugh.
They say I need to develop feelings for a boy, its totally normal. I understand that, and I have alot of the times. But where do I end up? Hurt.
Why should I let a vile thing like a boy hurt me?
I shouldn't.
Thats why I never really open up to them. There are only a few boys I want in my life right now. His name is Daniel Bennett Brennan, and I can see myself marrying this kid.
He is my best friend.
Never tried to take advantage of me.
And has alot of the characteristics that my father has.
My Dad is very protective, and so is Danny. If Danny sees that a boy has broken my heart, he immediatly tries and fights them. (Not a good way of solving things, but I never let him) I can honestly say that I love him and he loves me.
We have that cute highschool sweetheart thing going for us :]
But thats besides the point, from today on, I am not going to focus on when I can obtain a beau. I will wait and let them come to me. Because even if they claim they are christian, and that they don't want to use you.
All boys are equipped with two heads. And one always listens to the other.
♥ Laura

Akward night

Blank faces make perfect masquerades
Soulless lovers dance
Other envy the parade
All hoping for one chance
Vivid colors, diamonds galore
Hopeful glances, begging to get what they are asking for
Mindless chatter
Leads to the forbidden bed
Glass shatters
As they try to regain their head
A waste of time
A waste of cologne
Clowns, brutes, and mimes
All reasons to go home
A flirtatious touch
A sensual glare
The drinks become to much
For the broken hearts to bear
Stumbling towards the door
An akward goonight
As she falls to the floor
He whispers things will be alright

The mighty fall hard

Blank expressions line the fogged windows
Faces pressed to the glass
Horror, anguish, terror
Their heart drops
Watching their hero fall from the heavens
Realizing the vulnerability
They gaze on
Praying this is all a dream
Their false sense of hope
Now diminished
Their trust
Now scarce
They look to each other
Who will step upWho will fill the role of their God
Loss of faith
Loss of love
Loss of a hero
Once again
Oh how the mighty have fallen

Living life to the fullest

The world is a twisted place. There is good, then bad. Uplifting, and destroying. Walking on this earth, I have seen so many things.
Love, Hate, War, Pain, Joy, and Doubt.
So many times people take life for granted, they 'live life to the fullest'. But when exactly is life full?
When I was driving to the visitation last night, I spotted a homeless man, the typical character. Shaggy-looking, no shoes, what looked to be a hand me down shirt, and shorts with numerous holes. His face not shaven, and his hair grown long and white, speckled with grey. His eyes dull, lifeless, it was a look of hopelessness. I watched the man gaze at the passing cars, almost praying that one would just throw a little bit of change his way. My eyes started to tear up, as I looked on, thinking of how that mans life had gone. I thought about his mother, his childhood, maybe even his own family. I thought about the rich, the ones sitting at home right now, the ones out to dinner with their loved ones. I thought about all these things, then I directed my mind back to the man.
Thank God, that this was one of those annoying lights that took a half an hour for the light to change, otherwise I would have some angry drivers behind me. But that is why driving is one of my favorite things to do, you see humans in there natural vulnerable state.
Finally the light turned green, and I of course sped off, but my heart literally hurt from not helping the old man. All of a sudden, it seemed that everything that had happened lately hit me at once, and I started to cry. I cried about everything, from school, to erins dad, to dead friends, to death period. I thought of every funeral I have ever went to, and how annoyed I was when people said to me "At least he is with God now," in my head I wanted to scream "They aren't with me!"
Humans are naturally selfish. I never want anything to happen to my friends or family, but seeing my best friend go throught one of the most horrific things anyone can go through, I am growing cynical.
Lawrence Berry was an amazing man, everytime I would see Erin, I would talk to her Dad. He was the kindest, sweetest man and this world was blessed to have him. To see him taken away from this world so young, just makes me doubt everything I once fully believed.
Tying my thoughts back to the homeless man, I thought of what he has done great. Did he have a family too? Why is he standing on the corner when there are so many corrupt people in this world getting whatever their heart desires.
I would kill to find my faith again, but lately I just can't concentrate on the good in life anymore.
How do I live life to the fullest, if it can never be full?

Waiting on my heart to change

Hopelessly falling
Into your arms
No fear at all
As I fall so far
Until I hit the ground
And become numb
You said that in the darkness
There will be light
But as I cry out your name
You are nowhere to be found
I wish I could take back
All that I ever did
Trusting you
And your eternalness
Tears stream down my face
Realizing that my whole life
Was based on a false reality
Concentrating on the loud silence
I recollect my thoughts
Of when there was no silence
And there was no doubt
You were there
I was here
And now you are gone
But I am waiting to return

Sorrow of the Morning

The night is still
A calm has fallen down upon the world, no fights, no screams, only silence
My eyes glance out in to the distance, trying to find any sign of movement
Nothingness
The world has become an abyss
The only sound I can hear is that of my own heart, beating nice and slow
My breathing becomes irregular, as if growing claustrophobic from the lack of noise
The world seems to be caving in
And that tiny form of alleviation is starting to disperse along with the stars
Light raises over top the trees
Almost looking as if they are on fire
Suddenly, the earth becomes restless
Interrupted by the uproar of morning
My concentration is disconnected
As my eyes start to bounce from the blaze of light to the dark sky
The night being pushed away
Slivers of the shadows being cast out
All secrets forced to be seen
At the sight of the new morning
There comes despair
The fact that yesterday was not a dream
Thrusting acceptance of the day upon you
Another sunrise
Another day
Another chance to make mistakes

Sandy Shores

My eyes gaze off onto the horizon, searching for your tall sails. A cold sea breeze blows gently against my skirt, as if pushing me away. The sun sets again, just like it has done since the beginning of time. But this sunset, this closing of the day, fills me with despair. I try to direct my mind to a happier place, when you held me in your arms and whispered things will be okay. Unfortunately, that was a long time ago, before you sailed away into that grace-capped morning. Now I stay on this sandy shore waiting for you to return. The sun dies again, and I am left with not even my own shadow. I remember those eyes, those stormy green eyes, reminding me of the ocean. Are you still watching me? Because I feel a presence, as if someone is here, on this shore with me. The breeze pushes again, except now vehemently, and I can't help to feel that you want me to go. You want me to move on. I fight the wind, as sand beats my skin, not ready to give up on you. For without you my dear, I'm miserable at best.